The manner in which you choose to fight will determine a large percentage of the happiness and longevity of your relationship.
Do you go into a disagreement with the goal of winning, getting even or control? If so, that's a competition rather than a partnership.
Put that aside and learn to confront issues like an adult.
Here are ten tips on fighting fair (plus an 11th for good measure): o Keep it private.
Don't fight in public.
Take your disagreement behind closed doors.
And for God's sake, don't fight in front of your children.
That's a form of child abuse that can scar them emotionally for life.
o Have a goal in mind.
An argument should not be like running laps, but more like a short sprint.
Go into the fight with a goal on what you want to accomplish.
That way, you'll know when your competed the task.
o Clarify to gain understanding.
Keep asking questions until BOTH of you know what the other person is truly saying.
o Control your emotions.
You don't have permission to scream or be otherwise abusive.
You are entitled to give voice to your legitimate feelings but not in a childish way.
Disagree without being disagreeable.
Try to be pleasant and calm in the midst of a fight.
It is possible to disagree and still laugh together.
Deborah and I do it all the time.
o Is this a hill you want to die on? In other words, try to maintain some proportion in your arguments.
Very few things are earth-shaking events or issues.
o Seek common ground and compromise.
Certainly some things are worth fighting for.
But compromise with your lady whenever possible.
o Don't take cheap shots at your lady.
Don't let the fight turn into a name-calling session.
o Focus on the subject, don't drag other things into the fight.
Don't bring up old issues or sore points in this fight.
Place some boundaries around your argument.
o You are responsible for how you act.
Don't say "She made me so furious...
" Nobody MAKES you anything.
You choose your own behavior.
o Don't let the sun go down upon your wrath.
That's actually a Bible verse.
But it's a good idea to place some time limits on your fight.
An argument should be a temporary event, not a hobby.
And the eleventh tip is: Have some fun making up after the fight.
Some of the most torrid, exciting sex I've ever had is after a fight with Deborah.
Gentlemen, you cannot become a Great Lover unless you master your tactics for settling arguments.
Remember, you want to create as many pleasant experiences for your lady as humanly possible.
Only then will you be a Great Lover.